Wednesday, January 28, 2009
WHAT TO DO?
Okay, so I need the help of all you star parents out there. What do you do with a three year old that screams at you all day long? Sometimes I try to step back and look at the situation and see if it is something I am doing. I know I raise my voice with him that is my job, right? When I say raise my voice I mean firm. I am at a lost, with what to do with him. I know they say parent out of love but when I try that I feel like I am being a push over. I know that Rossi and I are pretty much the same person just different bodies. So maybe that is what it is. I would like to think that I am a pretty easy going Mom, I try to give him an environment rich with activities for him to mess and be creative. However, as soon as I try to tell him no, he just lashes out at me. Ross (husband) keeps telling me it is just his age, I feel that if you don't correct the behavior when they're younger than it will only get worse. The part that breaks my heart the most is I spend most of my day correct or arguing with Rossi, that sweet Annie just falls to the side. And this breaks my heart because she truly is the sweetest baby I have ever met. She just crawls around and claps and giggles whenever anyone talks to her. I need some helpful advice. Anyone know Super Nanny?
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4 comments:
I should preface this by saying I don't consider myself a star parent. I don't even have kids yet! haha I think it's a combination of 2 things. The first is his age. He's at that age where he wants to have limitless fun without mom telling him that "No, putting your toys in the electrical socket is a bad idea." While he does need boundaries, I will quote my mom and say "pick your battles." You have to decide which things are worth confrontation and which things plain old don't matter. If he hears "no" more than he hears "yes" he's even MORE likely to get into mischief...and do it with a grin. Just a thought. I'm sure you'll get even better advice from your girl friends who have been doing this for awhile! :-)
I am with you. My Joey (also 3) has been lashing out recently, too. Buddy the other day leaving a play date he got soooo mad at me and was screaming at me in front of the other moms - ugh. All I could do is throw him in the car and drive home. I was so mad the best thing for me to do was ignore him. I've found when he really gets mad at me, if I ignore him then he calms down pretty quickly. If he is being destructive (kicking hitting, whatever) I put him in his room and leave him there and tell him I will come back when he's ready to act like a big boy. Yes, the room is destroyed when I get back, but at least he is calmer and ready to listen. Sometimes if I'm too much in his business then his emotions get even more volitile. I tell him his actions are absolutely unacceptable and then ignore any bad behavior, but reward the first sight of any good behavior (like if he's in his room destroying it, the moment he goes 30 seconds without banging around I'll say 'that sounds better!' or something like that. I think Lindsay is right in that sometimes they will do what gets a reaction - even if it is a corrective reaction. It is sooo hard but I have to tell myself all the time to ignore the bad behavior and reward the good behavior. Obviously you can't ignore dangerous behavior, but if he freaks out for you correcting dangerous behavior, then get him to a safe place and ignore him and let his 3 year old emotions do their thing. K- I know that was a novel! I hope it helped at least a little bit! We should chat some time - we have SOOOOO much in common!!!
I think a lot of it is his age. Age three is WAAAAAYYYYYY harder than 2!! Sometimes ignoring him- not giving him the attention- sometimes helps. Also, (and please don't think less of me for this...) I have been known to gently slap a mouth for continually screaming. But, that's just me. I know it is tough- but it really does get better. I really do think a lot of it is just his age. If you continue to be firm, he will learn eventually. Hang in there! I think you are a great mom! :)
Sounds like you got some good advice. All I could think of was... PRAY...ALOT! Screaming is a hard one because if you are like me it sets me on fire and I go crazy. My kids have been doing a lot of it since we are stuck in the house more right now. I know it helps when I get them out even if it's to play at McDonalds or in the snow. Good Luck. My mom's advice is don't yell back but let them know who's boss!
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